#媽咪木乃伊

媽死在新加坡中央醫院。爸說,我們要搬回印尼。翻譯:我會長成一個叢林女人。想都別想當路易威登的文案了。爸說,我們要用托拉查人的方式安葬媽。翻譯:他要把媽做成木乃伊,我們要跟她一起住,誰知道住多久,直到爸湊到五億印尼盾,買一頭白化水牛在她的 Rambu Solo’ 上獻祭。那比一輛車還貴。我們去哪裡弄那麼多錢?爸說,Diah,你差不多長大了,夠大可以幫你的 Ambe 了,意思是飯店裡其他印尼園丁和女傭,連 Kemala 的爸媽在內,都不肯再借他錢了。他們連爸之前為了媽的化療借的錢都要不回來。爸抱著他的酒瓶,哭著睡著了。我真希望我也哭得出來,但我只覺得生氣。媽,對不起,可是為什麼我們不能像燒 Kemala 的阿嬤那樣把你火化?或者像正常人一樣把你埋了?你說過你會撐到我的初中畢業舞會之後才死。我只是想說,做不到的事就別答應。

半夜,等飯店宿舍裡所有人都睡了,爸把我叫醒,我們溜出房間。他的臉和眼睛都是紅的,身上的味道就像那些賴在飯店酒吧不走的男人。他從宴會廚房偷來那個工業冰櫃——飯店用來放婚禮乾冰雕塑的那個。我幫他把冰櫃推到後門,上面堆著我們的行李,我們能帶走的少少幾樣東西。爸關上園丁工具間的門,跟他所有的園藝工具道別時哭了,但他留下了那把 hori hori 刀——他在峇里島的園藝老師送他的禮物——還有他偷來的那些迷你酒瓶。可口可樂的送貨員開著廂型車載我們去醫院,太平間的人把媽放進冰天鵝、冰鑽石和裹在冰凍愛心裡的小冰新娘新郎中間。媽看起來一樣,不是六個月前那種一樣——那時醫生說她子宮裡長的東西不是寶寶——而是兩天前那種一樣,那時她看起來好瘦好小,可是她在病床上坐起來幫我燙了頭髮,我們用我的手機看寶萊塢音樂錄影帶,每次女主角暈倒在男人懷裡就大笑。媽說,什麼都要笑。不然還能怎樣,哈哈。

整整兩天的路程,爸一路喝一路哭。我們永遠都坐最便宜的貨艙,跟雞和臭榴槤擠在一起。先是渡輪,然後是船,然後是巴士,把我們載到爸那個深山叢林村子前的最後一個小鎮。每次我以為我們得丟下媽自己走了,就會有四、五個男人放下他們的行李和髒小孩來幫我們。天氣熱到陌生人的雞都睡在媽的冰櫃上。爸說我們不能搭飛機去雅加達,因為政府會收屍體稅,但爸說的話多著呢。

爸的表哥 Joko 開著他的礦場卡車出現時,天已經黑了。在印尼,每個人都是表哥,所以誰知道呢?他看起來比爸老,但手臂很粗,其中一隻手只剩一根指頭,一根大拇指。「Diah,你漂亮。」他說,舔了舔他的金牙。我心裡吐了一點點。在他那間聞起來有鐵鏽和雨水味的駕駛座裡,他用那根大拇指猛戳收音機的按鈕。好幾公里的路上,只有卡車的燈是唯一的光,叢林的霧遮住了月亮。尖叫聲從四周的黑暗裡爆出來,是動物在打架,或是在被強暴。

我假裝睡著,Joko 講個不停,他的手對他的嘴反對的每一件事都比讚。

「你不可以、不可以、不賣你爸的地……沒什麼好丟臉的。現在的情況就像雞蛋放在牛角尖上。」

「我不想談地的事。」爸說。

「你以為你爸不會同意?Papa Tangke 已經糊塗了!像一頭在馬路上的瞎鯨魚!像一頭長著火雞腦的大象!」

「也許你幫我在金礦找個工作。」

「挖金礦可不是跟花說話、照顧蜜蜂!」

「也許我跟你爸租地,種稻。」

「生米已經煮成稀飯了!土都被肥料弄死了。賣掉那塊地吧。說不定有人會付錢買採礦權。」

終於,爸的村子在朦朧的月亮前升起,七座 tongkonan,屋頂彎成大大的弧形,像翻覆在山頂上的幽靈船。Joko 按了喇叭,黑影從竹林裡飛出來,在頭頂盤旋、嘎嘎叫。然後一整個村子我從沒見過的親戚從他們的 tongkonan 裡走出來,把爸團團圍住。

我以那些陰森的屋頂為背景自拍了一張,臉嚇得像在《厄夜叢林》裡一樣,想傳給 Kemala,但轉圈圈的圖示一直轉一直轉,最後放棄了。Google Earth 說:找不到位置。連最大的邪惡帝國都找不到我。正式確認:我不存在了。

爸說,現在我們跟自己的族人在一起,一切都會沒事的。我沒說的是,渡輪駛離新加坡港的時候,我跑上甲板,已經跟我的族人道別過了。再見,路易威登的水晶宮。再見,地鐵。再見,Anderson 中學,就算你給我獎學金不是因為我真的有天分,而是因為你們想在名單上放一個僕人階級的女孩。再見,三角函數課上的荷蘭男孩;再見,你脖子上的雀斑。再見,文明。

我們到了爸的村子的第二天,我看著一整屋我原本不知道存在的阿姨們,把媽變成一具木乃伊……

(未完……收錄於即將出版的短篇小說集《每個故事都有人死去》)

(中文譯自英文原文)

English original

Ma died at the Singapore General Hospital. Pa said, We’re moving back to Indonesia. Translation: I’ll grow up a jungle woman. Don’t even think about becoming a copywriter for Louis Vuitton. Pa said, We’ll bury Ma the Torajan way. Translation: he’ll mummify Ma, and we’ll live with her for who knows how long till Pa scrapes together five hundred million rupiahs to sacrifice an albino buffalo for her Rambu Solo’. That is more expensive than a car. How can we get that kind of money? Pa said, Diah, you’re almost grown up, old enough to help your Ambe, meaning none of the other Indonesian groundkeepers and maids at the hotel, not even Kemala’s parents, will lend him any more money. They can’t even get back what Pa already borrowed for Ma’s chemo. Pa hugged his bottle and cried himself to sleep. I wished I could cry, but I only felt angry. Ma, I’m sorry, but why can’t we burn you like they did with Kemala’s grandma? Or bury you like normal people? You said you wouldn’t die until after my junior prom. Don’t make promises you can’t keep is all.

In the middle of the night, after everyone at the hotel dormitory had fallen asleep, Pa woke me up, and we sneaked out of our unit. His face and eyes were red, and he smelled like men who wouldn’t leave the hotel bar. He had stolen the industrial icebox from the catering kitchen where the hotel kept dry ice sculptures for weddings. I helped him wheel the icebox to the back gate with our luggage piled on top, the few things we could take with us. Pa cried when he closed the groundkeeper’s tool shed and said goodbye to all his gardening tools, but he kept the hori hori knife, the gift from his horticulture teacher in Bali, and the mini bottles he stole. The Coca-Cola deliveryman drove us in his van to the hospital, where the men at the morgue put Ma between ice swans, ice diamonds, and little ice brides and grooms inside frozen hearts. Ma looked the same, not the same like six months ago, when the doctor said something that was not a baby was growing in her womb, but the same like two days ago, when she looked so thin and small, but she sat up on the hospital bed and gave me a home perm, and we watched Bollywood music videos on my phone and laughed whenever the actress swooned into her man. Ma said we should laugh at everything. What else can you do, ha ha.

Pa drank and wept the whole two-day trip. Always we were in the cheapest cargo section, where they kept chickens and stinky durians. First a ferry, then a ship, then a bus, which took us to the last town before Pa’s village in the jungle mountains. Every time I thought we would have to leave without Ma, four or five men would leave their luggage and dirty children to help us. It was so hot that strangers’ chickens slept on top of Ma’s icebox. Pa said we couldn’t take a plane to Jakarta because the government would charge a corpse tax, but Pa said a lot of things.

It was dark when Pa’s cousin, Joko, showed up in his mining truck. Everyone in Indonesia is a cousin, and so who knows? He looked older than Pa but his arms were thick, and one of his hands had only one finger, a thumb. “Diah, you pretty,” he said and licked his gold teeth. I puked a little inside. In his cab that smelled of rust and rain, he jabbed at the radio buttons with his one thumb. For many kilometers, the truck gave the only light, the jungle fog obscuring the moon. Shrieks burst from the darkness all around, animals fighting or getting raped.

I pretended to sleep while Joko talked nonstop, his hand giving a thumbs-up to everything his mouth was objecting to.

“You cannot, cannot, not sell your father’s land… There is nothing to be ashamed of. The situation is like an egg on the tip of a horn.”

“I don’t want to talk about the land,” Pa said.

“You think your Pa wouldn’t agree? Papa Tangke is lost! Like a blind whale on the street! Like an elephant with turkey brain!”

“Maybe you get me a job at the gold mine.”

“Mining gold is not talking to flowers and tending bees!”

“Maybe I lease land from your Pa, and grow rice.”

“The rice has become porridge! The soil is dead from all the fertilizers. Sell that land. Maybe someone will pay you for the mining right.”

Finally, Pa’s village rose up in front of the hazy moon, seven tongkonans with roofs in large arcs, like ghost ships capsized on a mountaintop. Joko honked, and dark shapes flew out of the bamboo jungle and hovered overhead, squawking. Then a whole village of relatives I had never met came out of their tongkonans and surrounded Pa.

I took a selfie with those sinister-looking roofs behind me, my face all scared like in The Blair Witch Project, and tried to text it to Kemala, but the wheel just spun and spun and finally gave up. Position not found, said Google Earth. Even the largest evil empire couldn’t find me. It was official. I no longer existed.

Pa said everything would be ok now that we are with our people. I didn’t say that when the ferry was leaving the port of Singapore, I ran up to the deck and already said goodbye to my people. Goodbye, crystal palace of Louis Vuitton. Goodbye, Metro. Goodbye, Anderson Middle School, even if you gave me a scholarship not because I really was gifted but because you want a servant-class girl on your roster. Goodbye, Dutch boy at trigonometry; goodbye to your neck freckles. Goodbye, civilization.

The day after we arrived in Pa’s village, I watched a whole room of aunties I didn’t know existed turn Ma into a mummy…

(Continued…in upcoming short story collection “Someone Dies in Every Story”)

短篇小說